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A monologue of Mother to son

Now, Johnny, about last night when you saw mommy and her friend….well, sweetie, we need to talk. Honey, have you ever heard about the birds and the bees? Well, I think it’s time I told you. You see, uh, I guess it goes that when a bird and a bee really, really love each other they, uh…. fly…together. And the bee will, uh rub its stinger in a flower, and if it’s the first time a bee lands on it then it’s deflowered the flower, but other bees can still land on it after that, its just not quite the same. Anyways after this happens, if the circumstances are right then the bird will lay an…egg. And that’s how you got here, waaaaay before I was prepared to have you. But I still loved you! Even when you were just a little egg so I didn’t throw your egg out of the nest. Don’t get me wrong, I support a bird’s right to do so it just wasn’t right for me. Anyways, back to the birds and the bees. So yes, birds and bees will fly together when they really love each other….or when they’re under the influence. And a lot of times, especially in showbiz like mommy works in, some birds like other birds instead of bees and some bees like other bees instead of birds and there are birds and bees who like to fly with bees AND birds. Sometimes bees and birds like to do weird things when they’re flying, like have other bees and birds tie them up and stuff. And a lot of times birds and bees don’t fly as much with other birds and bees as they would like so they have to uh….fly alone. Mainly bees do this, but birds to it to, so if a bird ever tells you she has never flown alone she’s probably lying. Now you’re way too young to do any flying at all but when you do, no matter if you fly with a bird or a bee you should always make sure that you protect your stinger so you don’t get sick. Ok? Does this all make sense to you? Ah screw it, you’ll learn about it in middle school like everyone else.